There are people, places and things that are not hard to walk away from. You might think it would be, but surprisingly, when you find yourself faced with the decision, it's a relief to walk away and close the door.
For myself, the grief comes not from walking away, it comes from how EASY it is to walk away. I briefly mourn what I think I SHOULD'VE felt when that door was closed, not the closing of the door itself.
It's strange really.
You can't miss what you never had, so the mourning of the "should've been" is brief and not too intense compared to losing things you actually did have.
As I've journeyed through life, and learned to deal with different things, I've found that it's not hard to walk away anymore. I simply turn, walk away and I rarely feel the urge for a backward glance. Not anymore.
I used to drive myself crazy trying to figure out how to make every little thing right. I would stress myself to no end wondering what I could do different to make it all ok.
Now, I realize that I can't do anything to make it better because it isn't a problem of my doing to begin with.
Repeat after me "Not my problem". Very good!
Did I become bitter and callous? Hateful and vengeful? No. I became focused on what truly matters. Stress and drama are not what matters. You being in the throws of a constant soap opera of deceit, paranoia, schemes and plans, while pretending to be something you're not, is not on my list of activities to participate in. No thanks. Don't need it, don't want it, won't tolerate it.
If a family member turns their back on you, or puts distance in your relationship, why would you chase them? If they put everyone else ahead of their closest family, why would you spend your time and energy trying to make it work, when they are clearly choosing not to be an active, involved member of the family? Surely you wouldn't tolerate a fair weather friend, would you? Why tolerate a family member who acts that way?
Do I still consider them family? In a biological way, yes. But are they "real" family? No. Family is more that just common DNA.
Keep in mind that it's usually the person who is afraid of their flaws, actions or schemes being found out that is the person to put the distance in place to begin with. The person who has something to hide will point fingers and throw stones as if their life depends on it. And in their mind, maybe it does. As long as they are drawing attention to the real, or imagined, wrongs that everyone else is committing, then they think no one will see their problems.
It's not wrong to shrug your shoulders, admit that you tried, then walk away. Go live your life! Their problems are not yours, you can't fix it and shouldn't be expected to.
There are only a small handful of people that I've ever truly walked away from. Do I regret it? No. It took me a long time to realize it's ok to stand up for yourself and close the door on an unhealthy situation. Sure, it would've been nice if things could've been different, but some people will never change, and that's their choice. The way a person treats others is totally up to them. How I react to that treatment, and whether or not I accept it, is up to me.
Tell them it's not acceptable and go on your way. It really is just that easy.
I'm not saying it won't hurt. But as you learn to put yourself, and your real friends and family first, it becomes easier to stand firm and make the tough decisions.
It's very freeing. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders, and the stress has been washed away.
Make like Snagglepuss, tip your hat and exit..stage left. After all, you're the director of your life and you get to decide who stars in the production and who gets cut.
